‘Home On The Strange’

In Misc. on August 25, 2011 at 6:06 pm

‘Old Florida’

Growing up in Connecticut, forty minutes from New York City, I often look back and wonder exactly how it came to be that I now reside in Florida. The plan was to move to Florida for a ‘little while’, as I recall. That was over fifteen years ago.

Florida is the exact opposite of Connecticut. Where Connecticut has a rich, colonial history, four seasons and a very ‘Rockwell’ like desire to be traditional, Florida has a ragged, outlaw kind of history and only two seasons: Warm and Hot.

Living in Florida can sometimes be embarrassing- like when elections come around, whenever ‘Cops’ is on and some guy is fleeing the scene shirtless and when certain residents call 9-11 because they are denied chicken nuggets at McDonald’s. It especially hurts when Chelsea Handler rolls her eyes and declares: ‘Everyone in Florida is on Meth!’-and the panel applauds. For the record, I don’t know a single person on meth, have never been arrested (with or without a shirt on!) and don’t even like chicken nuggets. Still- I understand that Florida is definitely the ‘black sheep’ of the states, and on that level, I guess I can relate.

I tend to soothe myself about Florida’s bad rep by seeing the truth of the situation: Connecticut (particularly Fairfield County) may seem more ‘sane’, but it’s also a place where, if you’re not rich, you can’t even buy a house. I can count to 1 when it comes to my old friends who have been able to buy their own home (and afford it) in my hometown. Connecticut is where the criminals wear suits (Say what you will about the shirtless, penniless guy fleeing the cops until being caught with half-a-joint, it’s funny how the cops never pull up in front of a Greenwich mansion and take to prison the hedge fund manager who bilked thousands of people’s life-savings and retirement funds!) Connecticut has no sense of humor either- obviously Florida thrives on it.

Bears, Bulls, people from Connecticut. You got the summer, we got the winter.

Six in one hand, half-dozen in the other.

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