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Archive for the ‘Game Day Sweet’ Category

Jets Crash, “Son” Rises

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on November 19, 2011 at 11:37 am

My Favorite Play? Why, The ‘Hail Mary!’ of course!

Well, that was a disaster for the New York Jets! They were beaten ‘Na,Na,Na, Na, Naa’ style, by  Tebow himself with a minute left to go. Could the Jets rally? What do you think?

I wasn’t  pissed that the Jets lost, as much as I was that the Broncos won.

It got me to thinking about what it is about Tim Tebow that is so polarizing? I had the definite feeling that I was watching a ‘show’  (maybe the 700 Club?) when Tebow started pointing up to the sky, praying, (re:’Tebowing’) and then skipped over to lead the prayer circle. He’s brought religion onto the field, and I guess he’ll keep bringing it. I don’t hate religion, or Jesus or God or whatever people choose to believe in, but personally I think we’re opening a can of worms in a neutral territory.

Does it ever occur to Timmy that if ‘Jesus’ or ‘God’ is on your side, that he has to be AGAINST the other guys? That God would have to actively DISLIKE all of the other teams and players, many who have had much harder struggles than you, to make it in the NFL….and isn’t it disturbing to think that Jesus plays favorites, even if you happen to be that favorite right now? Does it bother you that God is watching football rather than saving babies who have cancer, or stopping famine, or preventing the next Tsunami?

A rare glimpse of Tebow’s dog, Goliath,who “could walk to Hawaii, if he felt like it” according to Tim.

When Tebow left the field, and began his long, pious walk from the field, through the tunnel (for effect?) shedding his jersey, and leading a crowd of followers like an Under Armor Messiah back out onto the field (stopping to sign a shirt for a small child and his Dad, and conveniently ignoring the person next to them holding out a hat) I felt like I was watching a made-for-tv Lifetime Movie ‘God’s Quarterback: First and Ten Commandments’….and by the time he made it  to the sportscasters booth to be  praised, I half expected Mary Magdalene – or a Bronco’s cheerleader at least, to come over and wash his feet.

Tebow has lots of innovative ideas for Mile High Stadium. Here’s how he envisions the new uprights.

Tebow is is UBER-aware of what he is doing. He knows when the red light is on, and he plays to the camera. (though it might be entertaining, if he at least, pointed down when he threw an interception, or wiggled fake devil-horns with his fingers when he was sacked!)

I get the feeling there are a lot of people in Tebow’s life who are very vested in his ‘message’, and that they believe Tim is very ‘special’ and magnanimous, like a Christian Pied-Piper, or the first Pig-skin Preacher. And therein lies the rub.

See- I don’t want a sermon during my NFL games. I am often involved in very ‘heathen-like’ activities while switching off between actual games and the Red Zone, come Sunday afternoon. I may have a friendly bet going, I may be  tossing back a few alcoholic beverages, I’m definitely cursing my ass off (in a high sing-song voice for amazing plays and an angry croak for blown coverages) This is not the time for Reverend Snow to show up and find Jack, Janet and Chrissy ‘in the shower’. Game time runs rampant with possible ‘misunderstandings’, and I, for one, don’t want to be bummed out, or judged by Pastor Buzzkill. Or, God Forbid! be caught Roster-bating to my best friend ‘s Fantasy line-up!

So, forgive me, Tim- but I prefer the Neutral Zone, a place where we were all comfortable until you showed up. NFL means: ‘No Freakin’ Lectures’. I don’t want to have the feeling I get when there’s a cop behind me on the road. It’s not that I’m doing anything particularly wrong, but it’s been awhile since I looked at the rulebook. So please, Tim- lay off! In the name of the Gators, The Bronco’s and The Super Bowl. Amen.

‘Orange You Embarrassed, Miami?’

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on October 25, 2011 at 5:44 pm

The Dolphins are a disgrace. So much so, that I cringe just writing  about them. Reggie Bush says they ‘stink’. Ordinarily I’d bash him for publicly outing his team, but after Sunday’s Tebow Take-over, I think Bush showed a lot of restraint by just saying that. It’s amazing that a big-market team like the Dolphins can fall into such disarray, but what’s more shocking is that it seems as if the organization – staff, players, and owners- could care less!!

Never before have I seen a team celebrate their opponents the way they did with Tim Tebow. They praised him, welcomed him like a long lost and adored relative, and topped it off by handing him a win in the last five minutes of the game. Tebow walked on water alright- and rode his Broncos right into the end zone. The Dolphins showed no fight, had no enthusiasm, no Pride!- and of course, no good plays. What is wrong with this picture? (Figuratively and literally!)

Put a helmet on that lamb and what do you have? The Miami Dolphins playing the Broncos, Sunday!

The Miami Dolphins Organization are the biggest joke in football- and I’ll tell you why: Because they care more about their ridiculous ‘Orange Carpet’ than they do their team! The ‘celebrity’ gimmick…..Gloria Estefan, Jennifer Lopez, Fergie, Marc Anthony, WHO CARES??!! I don’t understand how this has become the focus of a freakin’ FOOTBALL TEAM!! (and these people are so boring!) It makes me sick to have to sit through all of the crap on the screen at Sun-Life Stadium….JLo says: Go Dolphins!, Fergie says: Go Fins! Pitbull says: ‘something in spanish, Dolphins!’- What is this? E! Channel or Entertainment tonight?! I HATE it! None of this is about FOOTBALL, and quite frankly, it is making the Dolphins a laughing stock!

You know who I DO want to see walking the Orange Carpet? A good god-damned Coach, followed by a string of dedicated and skilled players- that’s who! Wait, wait wait! I don’t mean that. I want them to roll up that hideous orange carpet and concentrate on the game of football, period. Stop the lame-ass Hollywood crapola- it’s SOFT! Man Up and Play! Have some pride. Stop embarrassing the people of South Florida!

‘Throw these Divas on the field. They can’t be any worse than the Dolphins themselves- plus I’d love to see them get roughed up!!

Breaking News: Tom Brady has cut his hair!!

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on September 28, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Breaking news and breaking hearts! I officially declare an emergency meeting of girls who love long hair on guys….because we have a rampant case of restless scissors and this has got to stop! Not all guys with long hair are hot, but it’s a shame when the ones that are lop it off! I have some of these guys in my real life (and thanks for that, by the way) and I’m being told that long hair is ‘out’. Well- speak for yourself, mister- coz I’m not buying it!

‘Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Cut!’

Breaking News: Tom Brady has cut his hair – Shutdown Corner – NFL Blog – Yahoo! Sports.

“Did you see ‘Dancing With The Stars’ last night?”

I’ve already been through the trauma of Jax hacking his locks off this year on “Sons Of Anarchy’. This brings the eye-candy count down to zero on this show. At least until it grows in a bit… But what can I expect from a guy who is furious that his ‘gang’ is now dealing drugs, rather than just plain ole’ assault rifles. Murderer’s logic, I guess. But Jax- you don’t look half as cute killing people as you did last season…..(and don’t think growing that devil beard longer and pointier is helping, either! Maybe once your horns come in, I’ll re-evaluate)

‘Long hair ‘suits’ me just fine!’

Look- I know this is not exactly important sports related news, but Brady’s long hair has  brought a lot of joy to a lot of girls and women everywhere. When I say I want him to ‘go long’ I’m not always talking football. I hope he didn’t cut it after the Bills game, coz if so that makes five! fumbles for him that day!

Oh well- I guess there’s really nothing Tom Brady can do to make himself look bad (other than water slides and maybe dancing in Rio….) Looking on the bright side,  at least this will make it easier to NOT secretly wish him well all of the time, which will make pretty much everyone I watch football with very, very happy!

“You’ll never be able to wish me anything but well. And you know it!”Damn him.

‘Monday Night Football Par-Tay!’ (pt. 1)

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on September 16, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I lawyered up, before I posted this pic. Jackie Chiles in da house!

So, we headed down to Miami on Monday afternoon, for the opening game of Monday Night Football, featuring The Miami Dolphins vs. The New England Patriots. To be honest, I didn’t expect the Dolphins to win, and I was hoping for anything but a blow-out.

I had to put on the ‘I hate New England’ act, even though I am secretly in love with Tom Brady. My theory on the rampant ‘Brady Hater-ade’ that is spilling all over the place lately, is that it’s being bottled by  a lot of jealous folks who can’t take that the dude has it all. Super-Model wife, check. Millions of dollars, check. Handsome good looks, check. My ‘game crew’ was so anti-Pats, that I wasn’t about to start up any debates-at least not until I could sling down a few $9.00 Dixie-cups of cheap White Zinfandel, and throw all caution to the wind. If my friends knew that I actually had a Brady jersey hanging in my closet, I probably would have been deposited onto the shoulder of 1-95. Hey!- it’s not like I sleep in it every night!

The Stealth is the Bomb (er)

The place was packed-a  sold out crowd-and we killed a couple of hours tailgating and wandering through the Fan Shop, eating and drinking, and listening to some pretty cool tunes- someone on the roof? was crankin’  Weezy, TI and Metallica. The drinks were small, and crazy expensive…but hey- it’s South Florida’s biggest ‘house’ party so wtf, right?

We headed up to our seats (my nose didn’t bleed, but I was prepared to tilt my head back if it did!) Besides, there were at least fifty rows of crappier seats behind me. The crowd was animated, to say the least. That’s a nice way of saying drunk. Hank Williams came out on the field and did the ‘R.U. Ready’ song, and then Fergie (snooze….) did the National Anthem. Because of all of the 9-11 stuff , there were killer fireworks and the freakin’ Stealth flew over the stadium. Whoah! That has to be thee most bad-ass  jet  there is.(Way cooler than Mark Sanchez, anyway! har har)

The Dolphins actually showed up!

So, anyway- the game starts, the Dolphins score first, and the whole place is rocking! We’re all high- fiving and toasting our love of the Dolphins, and I must say, it was a nice five minutes. The Patriots immediately answered back, and the third of the stadium that were Pats fans took over where we left off.  I was pissed I forgot my binoculars, but even from my seat, I could see how smokin’ hot Brady looked. I could- really!

They made a huge deal about Will Smith being there, in a sky box, with Mark Anthony and D -Wade. Why do I just LOVE Will without Jada? Is that mean? I guess coz then I can imagine he’s like he was in the old days, when he was the Fresh Prince, when he did ‘Summertime’  I liked the ‘Gettin Jiggy With It’ years and the ‘Welcome to Miami’ phase, Badboys and Badboys 2 days (they blew up a mansion five miles from my house for that one!), so I was cheering Mr. Will (and D-Wade) but Marc Anthony? Seems a little creepy. Sorry. It’s the eye-sockets.

Anyway, by halftime (after I’d seen at least 20 ‘Tom Brady Sucks/Bill Belichick Swallows” shirts- coz we’re nothing if not classy down here! ps: Who wears that?) it was clear the momentum was predictably swinging towards the Patriots, but we kept drinking, high-fiving and bonding with each other, and screaming LOUD for the ‘Fins. Personally, I (think) I drank $27.00 worth of wine -over the whole day, mind you!- and I swear-if all three drinks added up to 16 oz.’s I’d be shocked. They must make a billion dollars off of alcohol at SunLife Stadium!

‘We’re goin in again, bitches!’

The Skybox Worthy.

‘Monday Night Football Par-Tay’ (pt. 2)

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on September 15, 2011 at 8:16 pm

‘Tom Brady: Dude Looks Like A Lady”

Ok- by now it was starting to appear that unless the Tom Brady ABOVE showed up- and apparently he didn’t….we were probably (and as predicted) going to L-O-S-E this game….but I don’t think the crowd was ready to face that yet. The hooting, hollering, the ‘Fuck You, Patriots!’ rang out left and right, and the vibe remained intoxicated and hopeful. Sure, there were a few close calls -no doubt involving Dol-and-Pat fan skirmishes- as the police, security and police-dogs flew by us on their way to the top tier, but it’s not a party till the police come, right?  (Seriously- we lucked out and everyone in our ‘seat neighborhood’ was cool, polite and just slightly profane, so I’d say we were all mirroring each other nicely.)

A few things I noticed, when the Dolphins began to ‘flounder’…..Brady had so much time in the pocket, he could have ordered a pizza (and had it delivered!) Almost every play he executed worked. At one point I commented: “Why don’t the Dolphins just lay a trail of breadcrumbs into the end-zone for the Patriots?”  Don’t even get me started on the Fins incomplete passes (though Henne looked decent) and failed schemes. As usual, I fear another season where the Dolphins fight their way up (and if need be, down) to the middle. At Best!! All of the coach’s promises tend to sound ‘cry wolf-ish’ after awhile…..

There was somewhat of a scare, when Mr. Jason Taylor ,who we are not sure is fully decontaminated from his little ‘stint’ with the Jets, twisted his ankle-or whatever -I’m not the team Dr. (but I do read the scroll at the bottom of ESPN!) and they say he’ll be out for 6-10 weeks.

“I’m hotter than you!”

But don’t worry, Taylor-ites. Even without full use of his leg he’ll still be able to ‘mentor’ and pose for pictures like the one below. Thank God! And let’s go get a god-damned snack!!!

And so the Pats prevailed. Brady threw for 517 yards- setting a Monday Night Football Record, Henne threw for 400 plus,  Jon Gruden said ‘shit’ on the national telecast, and someone (named ME) came home with a sweet (gifted!) Dan Marino throwback jersey (cha-ching!) and some good memories! What’s not to like?

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”

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