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Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

Watching The Superbowl Like A Girl: Feb. 2, 2014

In Game Day Sweet, Game Day Sweet 2013 on February 2, 2014 at 1:16 pm

RICHARD SHERMAN vs. MARSHAWN LYNCH:

Remember: I’m just here so I won’t get fined, bro!

THE HOOPLA

I haven’t heard this much talk about the weather since the phrase ‘global warming’ became a trend. I sure hope the Super Bowl doesn’t become a victim of ‘The Polar Vortex’….which sounds like a really expensive winter jacket from Patagonia or Northface, worn by George Costanza..

The New York/New Jersey infighting is not making anyone look good. But speaking for the rest of country, it’s not surprising. Both of you guys are a little carried away with yourselves. Start behaving. Don’t make us pull over this car!

We witness the yearly onslaught of articles trying to simplify football to the people who don’t even like it. Why? It is so ridiculous to me that anyone would watch a football game if they didn’t want to. Worse than that, I wish that you, dear reader, are not saddled with having to watch the game with people of this nature. Today alone I’ve seen articles titled: ‘5 Points to Help Simplify Sunday’s Super Bowl’, ‘Pretend You’re A Football Know-It-All’ and “How To Get Through Super Bowl Sunday”-like it’s the dentist! I just don’t get it! Why not go do something else? I don’t drive to the store and pretend I like shoe shopping! There are just too many other things I like-books to read and 700 other channels to watch- why waste time faking it?

As for the commercials and halftime? Could care less. Bruno Mars as the featured musical artist is so unexciting (in my opinion) that if I was hooked up to a heart rate monitor you wouldn’t even see a blip. But I’m not mad, because I don’t expect the NFL to fulfill my musical taste needs any more than I expect the next great running back to be drafted out of Aerosmith. That being said I’ll be heading to the Puppy Bowl when Bruno Mars takes the stage, awaiting the Kitten Halftime. Oh- and we’re also having an operatic National Anthem, which really makes sense- what with all of the opera fans who love the NFL. At least Joe Buck will be impressed.

WING DING

Just so you know, 1. 23 billion chicken wings will be eaten today. Also: you will hear the phrase ‘chicken wings’ and all of it’s variations and offshoots (wings, chicken, ranch dressing, bleu cheese, napkins, original, boneless) 1.23 billion times today as well.

BRYANT ‘BUZZKILL’ GUMBEL IS A POMPOUS ASS

Not since his tirade on Real Sports about how soccer is superior to American Football has Sir Bryant Gumbel been so out of touch and annoying. After his end-of-the-show pose- glasses on the tip of his nose, writing something very important in his notes as per usual- a pose that makes him look seriously involved in the issues, though I suspect a game of hangman and doodles of boobies) Bryant laid down the law about people visiting his New York City for the Super Bowl.

Some of his rules for the visitors to his great city are: Don’t be loud, don’t wear lime green jerseys if you’re over the age of twelve, don’t stay up late celebrating and don’t be a ‘yahoo’. Reminding me of so many of the naysayers and wet blankets I’ve had to endure during various football games over the years, I once again say: If you don’t like football- what are you doing here in the first place? No one wants you here! Go Away!! And Gumbel? It’s not your city, it’s our city- and- I know this kills the pretentious among us- but your opinion won’t sway a single person from enjoying the game,  nor will you have any effect on the dress code, attitude, or volume of revelers. (I think when they install ‘pompous’ they have to remove ‘sense of humor’)

I hope you are inundated with lime green jerseys, bad vocabulary, unsophisticated taste, and yahoos everywhere you go!! I only wish I could get in on it. I hope it drives you mad. You would need actual surgery and really good insurance coverage to remove that stick from your butt. Happy moping.

OLD-SCHOOL COOL

I love this picture of Kansas City Chiefs Len Dawson during the Super Bowl Halftime in 1967,  relaxing with a cigarette and a drink!

1967

1967

And finally…..sob! sob! We’re done with the NFL and now have to wait till next season……waaaaaah!

NFLZoffseason

Watching The Play-Offs Like A Girl/Jan.2014 (1/14)

In Game Day Sweet, Game Day Sweet 2013 on January 1, 2014 at 5:16 pm

I hate this time of the year- when the end of football looms. It seems to fly by quicker each year- and once it’s gone it takes forever to come back. But enough about me….

You tell' em!

You tell’ em!

It’s a sad time of the year for the fans of the rest of the NFL teams, all but two not in the Big Game. Jets, Giants, Cowboys, Dolphins Eagles…just to name a few (these are the teams of most of my friends, family and neighbors) I’m sure it’s not so bad for the actual players on these teams, if Twitter and Instagram are any indication. Posting from beaches all over the world on the coldest days of the year-cashin’ checks, drinking umbrella drinks, feet in the sand- it seems to me they’re gonna be just fine.

RICHARD SHERMAN JUST GOT ‘FAMOUS’ FAMOUS….

So, Richard Sherman hollered back to Michael Crabtree after the game, and like a touchdown celebration, we’ll have to endure a week of ‘oh my god, that was so inappropriate/classless/disgusting/uncalled for’ from uptight announcers- while the majority of us loved it, and can totally see why Sherman was caught up in his emotions.  He was going back and forth with Crabtree all day-and made the winning interception/catch, sending his team to the Super Bowl. So there. But, as usual, Erin ‘Why Are You Even There’ Andrews was put off by the show of unscripted emotion and reacted like a lily-white country club lady who must endure the help for a minute or two in order to get her cocktail. 

I have such mixed feelings about some female sideline reporters. Some, like Pam Oliver and Suzy Kolber seem to genuinely like football and the men who play it, but women like Andrews stand there giving their ‘Florence Nightingale‘ reports (“So-and-so is on the bench with a lower hamstring strain…” Thanks, nurse…) and always seem off-put when they have to (I see it as ‘get to’) talk to the players. Isn’t there a tennis, polo or golf sideline for these women to go report on? And do they ever smile?

A non-offensive sport for Erin...

A non-offensive sport for Erin…

WANT SOME TEARS TO WELL UP??

Check out this adorable letter from a hearing impaired little girl to Derrick Coleman of the Seattle Seahawks. Coleman is the first deaf offensive lineman in NFL history.

Hearing

NFL: WATCHING FOOTBALL LIKE A GIRL: WEEK 7

In Game Day Sweet, Game Day Sweet 2013 on October 22, 2013 at 3:04 pm

NFFantasyfootballLOOK WHO’S IN FIRST PLACE

NFL: Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles

MANNING TO MANNING COVERAGE

 

Peyton Manning finally lost one (and why that one? I think more than a few of us wanted poetic revenge on Indie Colts owner Jim Irsay, and his backhanded insults towards Peyton. I wish he had to return every dollar Peyton made him! But hey- he showed us who he was) Though the Colts won- they lost a key component of their team in Reggie Wayne, who’s out for the season with a torn ACL. (Sadly, this also means no more ‘Make It Wayne’ signs) Broncos 33, Colts 39

The Broncos didn’t seem ‘on’ from the beginning of this game (or maybe it was that the Colts hit the ground running), but it stayed ‘winnable’ right up until the end. 

I was also contemplating the odds of a guy with the last name ‘Luck’ becoming the star quarterback of a team whose insignia is a horseshoe! For real! I mean- it’s only natural for these thoughts to run through my mind during such an equestrian themed game, right?

JETS! JETS! JETS!

Not only did the Jets win this week- but they beat the Patriots-(their arch-enemy!)-and foiled one Mr. Tom Brady! Ding! Dong! The Witch Is Dead!’ (at least for week 6- we know he’ll be back) Brady said “Losing sucks-and especially to the Jets!” Losing this game was probably more of a black eye than the actual black eye Brady sported earlier in the week. Gino Smith seems to be working, and the Jets are having more and more moments of clarity- and at least half the time they  look like actual contenders. Jets 30, Patriots 27.

GIANTS WIN ONE! DON’T DROP TO 0-7! (insert sound of one hand clapping…)

The Giants finally won a game! As Al Michaels put it before the game: ‘We all know the Universe operates on the theory that one Manning has to win each week, so I’m going with the G-Men’- and they actually beat the Vikings    – but man- was it an ugly game. Some comments from the announcers included (during the third quarter ‘This is a terrible quarter of football! Both teams are just…bad) -and after spotting Micheal Strahan on the sidelines earlier, it was implied he might need to suit up and jump in. The Vikings looked just as bad. But it’s a start. And the Giants need to thank their off-the-street acquisition, Peyton Hillis (who the Giants had released and was working as a high school coach until ten days ago)  But mainly they need to thank the Vikings (Remember what a Boss Adrian Peterson was last year, how close he came to breaking that record? Seems a lifetime ago…) Giants, 23, Vikings, 7

 

THIS IS NICE TO SEE

Even though the Texan’s Brian Cushing is out for the year after being  blocked by the Chief’s Jamaal Charles, Cushing is able to acknowledge it’s all part of the game. That’s awesome.

BRANDON MARSHALL FINED FOR KICKS:

Brandon Marshall was fined over $10,000 for wearing green shoes for Mental Health Awareness Week. He wore them last week, and posted his notice on Twitter. As a big fan of Wellbutrin, I mean no disrespect when I ask: what does this say about Seattle?

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS ONLY UNBEATEN TEAM!

With Denver going down, only the Kansas City Chiefs remain perfectCongratulations to them!!

OH GOD!

BEYONCE HAS SOME CAJONES!

This isn’t exactly sports- but I have to admit that although I’m not a Beyonce person (I’m all about Jay-Z, though!) I am super-impressed with this woman’s guts! She bungee jumped from the Aukland, New Zealand SkyTower!

The jump was 1,076 feet! Just looking at the pics are giving me height flutters! Of course, the nay-sayers were all up in a huff that ‘a mother of a young child’ would do such a thing, but I guarantee they wouldn’t have said a word if Jay-Z had done it! (The father of said young child!)

NFL 2013: Week 1:Watchin’ Football Like A Girl…

In Game Day Sweet 2013 on September 9, 2013 at 11:57 pm

So glad football is back! It was a good Sunday, too- lots of early games, a couple in the afternoon and one night game. Quick round-up and meaningless (almost stat-free) ‘view from the cheap seats’ follows: 

 

I thought the Buffalo Bills looked real good, and the Patriots not- but, you can never count Brady out, even when this thought runs through your mind, after a sack:  ‘Phew! he is getting knocked down and roughed up today!’ and even if you can’t stop picturing all of the smiles and high-fives in sports bars across America because of it. But Brady rallies- and he can (and often will) fight his way methodically down that field and steal a game back from right under your nose. It’s what he does. And what he did. But the Bills looked real good, and one of these years it’s got to pan out, right?

By the way- love Brandon Spike’s shirt:

Patriots1

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS vs. NEW YORK JETS

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers handed a win to the New York Jets, wrapped up like a gift with a bow on top, thanks to LaVonte Davis’s late hit on Gino Smith in the game’s final moments. Everyone makes mistakes, but this was an especially tough one to swallow because it led to a Jet’s victory, via field goal, with the Jets winning by one point. You know I’m a girl because I feel so bad when these guys make glaring mistakes, while none of the guys around me have any sympathy at all! Sometimes they even point and laugh. Guys!

DETROIT LIONS vs MINNESOTA VIKINGS

The Lions won this one (good game!) 34- to the Vikings 24, but of course, the talk is all about Ndamukong Suh, the low hit, and the $100,000 fine. Does anyone remember when he was on Sports Science, and they did all of these tests on him- and long story short, his hit had the impact of a small car driving at 35 miles an hour? Which was amazing, because to find a guy as big and fast as he was is almost an anomaly. The whole reason he was such a catch in the NFL was because if this. Now- I’m not making up any excuses- he’s been in trouble before- but wasn’t he drafted because of his size and strength, and sometimes doesn’t it? seem like the NFL acts like they didn’t invent this game, and they’re shocked it’s violent? I KNOW there are rules and they have to be followed, but it drives me nuts when the NFL distances themselves and hand out fines, and they act all ‘surprised’ and ‘disappointed’ that guys that play in ‘beast mode’ get- ‘beastly?’ For millions and millions of life-changing dollars? Like they think that we think they’re such squares, with their wholesome country music and apple pie?  That they’re all about patriotism and American pride- not ‘we’re shrewd business men who know exactly what we’re doing and we’re RAKING it in!’which is what I REALLY think! My personal rule of thumb is: if you see a hit and everyone in the room gasps, or yells ‘holy sh**!’ that’s a play that will a) be fined and b) played over and over in slow-mo and real time while we all pretend not to enjoy it. Hypocrites. The lot of us.

GREEN BAY PACKERS vs SAN FRANCISCO 49ers

The story of the game was the blown call: offsetting penalties that should have set up a fourth down (and probable field goal attempt) but instead the call was to repeat third down, which resulted in a 49er’s touchdown. Big blown calls seem to go famously against the Pack – remember the Fail Mary last season during the ref’s strike? Luckily, yesterday’s flub it was in the second quarter, and theoretically Green Bay had time to rectify the situation,  but the final score was San Francisco 34, Green Bay, 28

I don’t have a dog in this fight, but I do respect Colin Kaepernick’s stance on Clay Mathews pre-game smack talk. “If intimidation is your game plan- I hope you have a better one” said Kap. Sometimes it’s nice to see a guy stand up to a veteran, who sometimes yap with an annoying sense of entitlement. Not that they haven’t earned it, but still….

I have always liked Anquan Boldin- remember when he played on the Arizona Cardinals- him, Fitzgerald and Hightower? Then the Ravens? He’s one of those guys you can’t believe teams let  go- but he was rockin’ yesterday, in his 49ers debut. 13 catches, 208 yards and a TD! Nice!

RAIDERS-COLTS:

I actually thought the Raiders looked decent- almost good yesterday. Granted, they didn’t win, (Colts 21, Raiders 17) but they looked pretty ‘together’, and made some plays. I’d say the Colts ‘held them off’ if anything.

DALLAS COWBOYS vs. NEW YORK GIANTS

The Giants had 6 turnovers in last night’s game. Starting with Eli Manning’s very first playBut it’s not like the Cowboy’s beat them down right away. When these two teams play each other, you can never relax.(Especially if your favorite team is one of the two!) The Cowboy’s won it, 36 to the Giants 31- but until that last seconds ticks off, you just never know. Romo went down-and then seemed to be in pain for most of the game. I thought both teams made good plays. But man- that was a lot of Giant interceptions!

Again, I thought it was real cool how Romo and Manning connected after the game. It is what it is. And this is just Week One in a long season!

EAGLES vs. REDSKINS

Love it or Hate it

Love it or Hate it

Something about Monday Night seems to really agree with Michael Vick! Remember that amazing night he had a season or two ago? Well- he had a pretty good one last night, and the Eagles were goin’ off! on the Redskins in the first half! Despite the fact that all anyone could talk about was the second coming of Christ RG3, it was  like the Eagles just startled the crap out of everyone .Michael Vick and LeSean McCoy were gunning it to the floor! too. Whoah! (Who saw that coming?)

oh no...not again!

oh no…not again!

But the Redskins made some moves during the second half and the final score was a respectable Eagles 33 and Redskins 27. Vick, by the way had 2 TD’s and 203 yards, and LeSean McCoy (who I thought was in beast mode) had 184 and 1 TD. There’s something crazy about that, right?

I like this Chip Kelly guy. From the Oregon Ducks to the Philadelphia Eagles- he’s obviously a Bird Man. I always respected Andy Reid, so this Kelly guy seems like a decent replacement. Judging by the first game, anyway. He seems likable.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS vs. DALLAS TEXANS

First off: Start the game at 10:15? Come on, son! 

 

I tried- I really tried to make it. I could sense a freakin’ comeback when the Texans came back in the second and were suddenly only trailing by only one touchdown. And that’s the last thing I remember. The first half- it was all Chargers. And then- I guess that ‘thing’ happened….that momentum thing. With a 21 point deficit- they came back!  Final Score: Texans 31-Chargers 28. I’ve liked the Texans from the start (swear!) and thought them quite underrated,(until last year, actually)- so I’m not surprised they came back. Now I have to try and catch the second half replay. Wish I could have made it!…

(Do Not Read If You Hate Football) Random Summary For Week 2:

In Game Day Sweet on September 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

OK….Week 2 (or ‘Weak 2″ for fellow Cowboy’s  and Jets Fans) went a little like this:

THE FIRST CUTLER’S THE DEEPEST……..

Everyone’s raggin’ on the quarterback who’s raggin’ on his own team. And kudos to his left tackle for not laying his ass out after shoving him on national television-whether he blew plays or not. Take J’Marcus Webb out, coach (and whoever else who should be helping!)- but for god’s sakes let’s not start a trend of team-mates punching each other out on the national stage.

…cough…burp…buuuurrrp…

For a second, Jay thought the photographer was J’Marcus Webb…

Truth is, Cutler has been showing a lot of promise since that awful Giants night game last year. Let’s keep it going in that direction for all of our sakes- the world has enough-make that too many-got damn divas!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

The Broncos/Falcons game was a real eye opener. Peyton’s 3 picks in the FIRST QUARTER?! Is this the Bizarro World? In any event, I must give props to this Broncos jersey, which is both accurate and funny as of right now:

Exactly!

The Falcons looked great- flying all over the field, thrilling in comparison. Good night for Atlanta! (and Peyton did bring the Broncos back to within seven)

ALEX SMITH IS PARDONED

For a split second, Alex Smith wondered: ‘Could this be worth $15,000 on E-Bay?’

The NFL allegedly fined the 49er’s Alex Smith 15 grand for wearing his San Francisco Giants hat to an NFL Press Conference (this has been ongoing) In turn, the San Francisco Giants baseball team sent him a baseball cap signed by the whole team. The NFL has since rescinded the fine.

BRING HANK WILLIAMS BACK, MNF!!

Never thought I’d be saying this, but…..

It’s a shock even to me, but I actually wish Monday Night Football would bring Hank Williams, Jr. back. The truth is: I miss the ‘Are You Ready For Some Football?’ song, and I don’t even know what the hell is going on with this Cee-Lo Green ‘collaberation’. It is so annoying-and  there isn’t a catchy phrase in the bunch. Mr. Green looks like a giant brown M&M who fell into a jar of glitter on the way to the refrigerator, and it’s not even making me laugh! So just tell Hank not to talk-just sing-and we’ll give him another chance.

ROGER GOODELL OFFICE MEMO: STOP BEING MEAN TO MY MINIONS!

‘As soon as I come to, I’m going back to the Lingerie League!’ thinks the Replacement Ref

Roger Goodell listened to his replacement Ref’s (who all ran off various fields whining: I’m Tellin!’) cry about being dissed by the coaches and NFL players. Never mind all of the bad calls- some of which have nearly caused serious injury (hello Dallas!) to the very players that Goodell is so interested in ‘keeping safe'(which is obviously not the case!). Hey Mr. Goodell (aka: ‘Daddy’): reach into your Billion dollar pockets and pay the real refs. Don’t worry, you’ll still be King….no one’s gonna come repo your yachts…

News Flash: Eeyore -I mean Cam Newton is upset….

‘Adversity. Don’t like’

Ladies: Stop NFL-BLOCKING YOUR MEN!!

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on January 27, 2012 at 12:03 am

Mama Bird’s Blog / Don’t Hate Me Because I Hate Football.

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t know that lots of women hate football? I ‘get’ that I like football more than the average woman. I’m okay with that, and I don’t force any of my innocent lady friends to watch football with me, and everything’s cool. But I really feel sorry for the guys out there who like football, and have to get bitched at about it by their wives and/or girlfriends on a regular basis. There are a plethora of commercials about guys who have to ‘disguise’ the fact that they’re watching football or even keeping track of the score. “ARE YOU CHECKING THE SCORES?!’ the woman will bellow, and the idiot guy will  cower and try to deny that he’s -ohmyGod!-watching football. I want with every bone in my body for the guy to say: ‘YES! I’M CHECKING THE SCORES! WHAT ARE YOU? MY MOTHER?!…but of coarse, bumbling, doofus guys are a staple of Madison Avenue, so…no.

The woman who wrote the blog above (‘Mama Bird’) is obviously very bothered that her husband doesn’t want to go shoe shopping, watch Lifetime tv movies with her,or drink Cosmopolitans and talk to her about her feelings over joint pedicures.  She seems to be bragging that her husband only watches two teams, and even then- on the DVR! (What lover of football would ever do this, other than in an emergency? His football ‘loving’ is somewhat suspect!) but all I can think is: This poor guy! WHY can’t he just like football, and be done with it? I wonder if he ever tells her what to like or not like? When was the last time you heard a guy say: “Don’t go shoe shopping?”  

'No Watching Football! Rah! Rah!

There are plenty of things that other people love that I hate: American Idol, Golf, All Awards Shows including The Oscars and The Academy Awards, Country Music, Classic Rock, Mystery and Romance Novels, Anime and Super Hero Movies, Chick Flicks and Lady Gaga, just to name a few.They all make me sick! But I don’t confront the people who do like those things and try and convince them not to! This Mama-Bird woman is probably fostering resentment in her husband, and he’ll more than likely go somewhere to watch football in peace with his friends when he gets tired of kissing her ass.  The man in my life is a great person in so many ways- I can’t imagine trying to get him to stop watching his Drag Racing, or the other sports he happens to like more than football. The guy works hard, is decent, loving and cool- why in the world do I want to guilt him into changing how he spends his Sundays? Or how he wants to relax. He’s off-the-clock! He’s a man, not a child! I just don’t ‘get’ why women so actively want to ‘cut guys off’ from the sports they want to watch!

So what if they're having fun?!

I understand that ‘Mama Bird’ has a blog,(which I came across randomly) and she’s expressing herself-just like I am- but what she is saying is so common, and has been for a long time. It’s become acceptable wife/girlfriend behavior. I just think there are so many worse things a man can do other than like football- and want to watch it. Think about the things that you like- be it music, books, shopping, shoes – what would you feel like if someone constantly bitched at you to stop enjoying it? What if you posted your favorite song on Facebook and people wrote in to say ‘That song sucks?’ Would you suddenly NOT LIKE that song? Of coarse you wouldn’t- but you’d think the person who wrote that was a jerk.

"If I DON'T LIKE IT- YOU CAN'T LIKE IT!"

 

There’s a lot of (mostly) women out there right now who are venting about hating football. I’m very lucky to have cool, funny friends, so we can all joke about it, and laugh.(Kris! Lor!) But some people are practically spitting nails about their football hatred. And they won’t change a single mind, or make any of us football lovers like it one bit less. Football’s almost over, as well. So cool your jets and think about it: why do you like the things you like? And who I am, to argue with you? I’m fine to just let you enjoy your stuff. And when I have nothing nice to say about it- I’ll keep it to myself. Hut Hut.

Jets Crash, “Son” Rises

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on November 19, 2011 at 11:37 am

My Favorite Play? Why, The ‘Hail Mary!’ of course!

Well, that was a disaster for the New York Jets! They were beaten ‘Na,Na,Na, Na, Naa’ style, by  Tebow himself with a minute left to go. Could the Jets rally? What do you think?

I wasn’t  pissed that the Jets lost, as much as I was that the Broncos won.

It got me to thinking about what it is about Tim Tebow that is so polarizing? I had the definite feeling that I was watching a ‘show’  (maybe the 700 Club?) when Tebow started pointing up to the sky, praying, (re:’Tebowing’) and then skipped over to lead the prayer circle. He’s brought religion onto the field, and I guess he’ll keep bringing it. I don’t hate religion, or Jesus or God or whatever people choose to believe in, but personally I think we’re opening a can of worms in a neutral territory.

Does it ever occur to Timmy that if ‘Jesus’ or ‘God’ is on your side, that he has to be AGAINST the other guys? That God would have to actively DISLIKE all of the other teams and players, many who have had much harder struggles than you, to make it in the NFL….and isn’t it disturbing to think that Jesus plays favorites, even if you happen to be that favorite right now? Does it bother you that God is watching football rather than saving babies who have cancer, or stopping famine, or preventing the next Tsunami?

A rare glimpse of Tebow’s dog, Goliath,who “could walk to Hawaii, if he felt like it” according to Tim.

When Tebow left the field, and began his long, pious walk from the field, through the tunnel (for effect?) shedding his jersey, and leading a crowd of followers like an Under Armor Messiah back out onto the field (stopping to sign a shirt for a small child and his Dad, and conveniently ignoring the person next to them holding out a hat) I felt like I was watching a made-for-tv Lifetime Movie ‘God’s Quarterback: First and Ten Commandments’….and by the time he made it  to the sportscasters booth to be  praised, I half expected Mary Magdalene – or a Bronco’s cheerleader at least, to come over and wash his feet.

Tebow has lots of innovative ideas for Mile High Stadium. Here’s how he envisions the new uprights.

Tebow is is UBER-aware of what he is doing. He knows when the red light is on, and he plays to the camera. (though it might be entertaining, if he at least, pointed down when he threw an interception, or wiggled fake devil-horns with his fingers when he was sacked!)

I get the feeling there are a lot of people in Tebow’s life who are very vested in his ‘message’, and that they believe Tim is very ‘special’ and magnanimous, like a Christian Pied-Piper, or the first Pig-skin Preacher. And therein lies the rub.

See- I don’t want a sermon during my NFL games. I am often involved in very ‘heathen-like’ activities while switching off between actual games and the Red Zone, come Sunday afternoon. I may have a friendly bet going, I may be  tossing back a few alcoholic beverages, I’m definitely cursing my ass off (in a high sing-song voice for amazing plays and an angry croak for blown coverages) This is not the time for Reverend Snow to show up and find Jack, Janet and Chrissy ‘in the shower’. Game time runs rampant with possible ‘misunderstandings’, and I, for one, don’t want to be bummed out, or judged by Pastor Buzzkill. Or, God Forbid! be caught Roster-bating to my best friend ‘s Fantasy line-up!

So, forgive me, Tim- but I prefer the Neutral Zone, a place where we were all comfortable until you showed up. NFL means: ‘No Freakin’ Lectures’. I don’t want to have the feeling I get when there’s a cop behind me on the road. It’s not that I’m doing anything particularly wrong, but it’s been awhile since I looked at the rulebook. So please, Tim- lay off! In the name of the Gators, The Bronco’s and The Super Bowl. Amen.

‘Orange You Embarrassed, Miami?’

In Game Day Sweet, GAME DAY SWEET: 2012 Season on October 25, 2011 at 5:44 pm

The Dolphins are a disgrace. So much so, that I cringe just writing  about them. Reggie Bush says they ‘stink’. Ordinarily I’d bash him for publicly outing his team, but after Sunday’s Tebow Take-over, I think Bush showed a lot of restraint by just saying that. It’s amazing that a big-market team like the Dolphins can fall into such disarray, but what’s more shocking is that it seems as if the organization – staff, players, and owners- could care less!!

Never before have I seen a team celebrate their opponents the way they did with Tim Tebow. They praised him, welcomed him like a long lost and adored relative, and topped it off by handing him a win in the last five minutes of the game. Tebow walked on water alright- and rode his Broncos right into the end zone. The Dolphins showed no fight, had no enthusiasm, no Pride!- and of course, no good plays. What is wrong with this picture? (Figuratively and literally!)

Put a helmet on that lamb and what do you have? The Miami Dolphins playing the Broncos, Sunday!

The Miami Dolphins Organization are the biggest joke in football- and I’ll tell you why: Because they care more about their ridiculous ‘Orange Carpet’ than they do their team! The ‘celebrity’ gimmick…..Gloria Estefan, Jennifer Lopez, Fergie, Marc Anthony, WHO CARES??!! I don’t understand how this has become the focus of a freakin’ FOOTBALL TEAM!! (and these people are so boring!) It makes me sick to have to sit through all of the crap on the screen at Sun-Life Stadium….JLo says: Go Dolphins!, Fergie says: Go Fins! Pitbull says: ‘something in spanish, Dolphins!’- What is this? E! Channel or Entertainment tonight?! I HATE it! None of this is about FOOTBALL, and quite frankly, it is making the Dolphins a laughing stock!

You know who I DO want to see walking the Orange Carpet? A good god-damned Coach, followed by a string of dedicated and skilled players- that’s who! Wait, wait wait! I don’t mean that. I want them to roll up that hideous orange carpet and concentrate on the game of football, period. Stop the lame-ass Hollywood crapola- it’s SOFT! Man Up and Play! Have some pride. Stop embarrassing the people of South Florida!

‘Throw these Divas on the field. They can’t be any worse than the Dolphins themselves- plus I’d love to see them get roughed up!!

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